Why Do I Procrastinate?

Why I Procrastinate: Understanding the Reasons Behind Task Avoidance

Why do I procrastinate on writing blog entries? Why write them at all? OK, the honest answer up to now has been mainly to keep the website active and win at SEO. Which, if you haven’t noticed, is not working well. That type of writing is not motivating to me, and I suspect it’s because my soul knows it is inefficient for my life purpose. It’s an icky feeling. Same with small talk lately; I’m developing less and less of a tolerance.

Human Efficiency Radars?

Apparently, I, along with many of my clients, seem to have super-attuned efficiency radars. If something does not have a meaningful purpose, I will procrastinate, ignore, maybe even roll around on the floor, and become “allergic” to it ( I say that often) before doing the said task. Oh, the years of guilt accumulated around procrastination and wondering why I just can’t “get it together, Meghan,” were huge before I discovered it was really about efficiency and purposeful meaning.

How did I discover it? Through raising my fabulous kids, specifically, my son. My son, from the day he arrived, has been a master at cutting through B.S. He would always challenge the reasoning behind every typical parenting request. “Because I said so” never worked with him, and his innate gift in linguistic precision would run circles around any shaky, half-baked logic.

Even as a toddler he would look at me with the intelligence of 1,000 years in his eyes and question every assumption I had about being a “good mom.” And you know what the coolest part is? I see my young self mirrored in him.

Anyway, This Procrastination Thing…

The idea of being an efficiency detector came to a head recently with him and schoolwork. He was pretty much “allergic” to a specific daily homework task, and the rigmarole around trying to make him do it was making everyone’s quality of life very miserable. So after I failed at all the normal parenting bargains and bribes, I let go of control ( which is scary in a world of judging parents based on students’ achievement) and waited to see if there would be some natural consequences to his choice. And you know what?

There was NONE?! Are you serious? Boo.

This kid, my fabulously intelligent son, had figured out that technically, if his overall scores were fine on I-Ready (which I have very passionate icky feelings towards this platform btw), then he obviously knew what he was doing and practicing his homework had no purpose. Ugh. Yuck. What was I supposed to do about that? He was kind of right.‍ ‍

Similarly, when he was in speech therapy in elementary school, he told me he didn’t want to fix his sound yet because he wanted to wait and move his character along the candyland path to get a prize. If he fixed his sound, he would graduate speech, no prize and no games. Ugh, he was right there too.

As a mother, what do I do with this pattern of mismatched priorities?

Well, I pride myself on my special interest area of seeing patterns beneath the surface of social behaviors and expectations and understanding the why motivating the pattern. If you haven’t noticed, for fun, I’m obsessed with figuring this stuff out. This procrastination pattern related to purpose efficiency is definitely a pattern for him, for myself, and for SO MANY CLIENTS; I would even say all my adults and teens. All high-achieving, talented people who find inefficiency and sometimes the mundane physically intolerable. Like ick for real.

Sometimes You Have to Do Things You Don’t Like…

…Maybe Yes, Maybe No

I know, I know!! The crowd of imaginary other better and fancy parents that live in my head is yelling, “But we need to learn to push through things we don’t like!” And to a huge degree I agree! But it is also ok and even possibly more effective to recognize that some things are just… silly. Small talk… kinda silly. Redundant staff meetings…kinda silly. Busywork homework, yep, silly. Are you ready for it? I’m going to say it publicly… I-Ready...also silly! What child development psychologists and other professionals proved this computer program was a superior method for learning than the Socratic method? Whew, that’s been living in my mind for a long time.

Also in this category live many things for me personally: handshakes, heeled shoes, acrylic nails, folding laundry, and the construction of women’s restrictive unmentionables (if you aren’t southern, I mean underwear). Do I participate in these things sometimes? Yes, but acknowledging the silliness allows me to stop feeling weird and guilty about my icky feelings towards them and allows me to stop wasting mental energy on why I am uncomfortable with the status quo.

Playing the Social Game

I tell all my kids, especially the older ones, that sometimes you just have to play the “social game” to get what you want. That’s ok. It’s a tough world out there, but acknowledging that these things are not part of the purpose of living creates agency of choice and eliminates the ambiguous guilt. So, if my son wants to get a professional degree, he will have to kick it into gear before the GPA starts counting for college admissions. And because I’m his mom, he knows that. He also knows that I think he is incredibly capable of anything he sets his mind to. I trust his ability, and I provide him the freedom to create his own intrinsic motivation. Which is so scary and hard in a sea of parents who control their children’s every choice.

For me, the freedom to recognize the silly social games and expectations that have become routine parts of our society has expanded my career and allowed me to start figuring out what my purpose in life is.

Hint: Purpose is really important if you didn’t figure it out. Just pick something if you haven’t.

No judgement. Really.

But that’s another passionate special-interest area talk for another day.

In summary, to let go of the guilt around procrastination, start looking at the why beneath your “allergy” to a task.

You might find a legitimate reason underneath, and then it’s up to you to decide whether the reward at the end of the task is big enough for the effort. That’s all for today.

Maybe this is the type of blog post I can feel motivated to write. :) -Meghan